Parenting is a journey filled with many “firsts” and plenty of unknowns. If you find yourself awake at 3:00 am staring at your phone, you are not alone. Many parents struggle with overwhelming worries during the first year of their child’s life.
At Foundations Perinatal and Child Psychology Centre in East Brisbane, we see expecting and new parents every day who feel trapped by these thoughts. It is very common for these worries to turn into what we call perinatal anxiety. This is a condition that affects up to one in five new parents (Bryson et al., 2021).
When you feel anxious, your brain is looking for a way to feel safe again. Two of the most common ways parents try to do this are by “Googling” and asking for reassurance. While these habits feel helpful in the moment, they actually make the anxiety much stronger over time.
The Trap of the Midnight Search
Searching for health information online is something almost everyone does. Recent studies show that about 80% of adults use the internet to look up symptoms. For a new parent, this behaviour can quickly become a loop that is hard to break.
When you look up a small symptom, like a baby’s cough, you might find scary information. The internet often shows the worst-case scenarios first because those pages get the most clicks. This can lead to a pattern of “cyberchondria,” where excessive searching causes more emotional stress.
You might start a search hoping to feel better, but you often end up feeling worse. Even if you find one website that says everything is fine, you might keep looking for a second opinion. This constant searching keeps your brain in a state of high alert.
Why Asking for Peace of Mind Can Backfire
The second habit many parents develop is asking partners, friends, or family for constant reassurance. You might ask, “Does the baby look okay to you?” or “Are you sure they are breathing normally?” This is what psychologists call a “safety behaviour”.
Seeking reassurance from others is a way to manage the distress you feel. It provides a small, quick hit of relief that makes the fear go away for a few minutes. However, this relief does not last because it does not fix the underlying worry.
When you rely on others to tell you things are okay, you stop trusting your own instincts. Your brain starts to believe that the only reason the baby is safe is because you asked someone else. This reinforces the idea that you cannot handle the “not knowing” on your own.
Understanding the Need for Certainty
At the heart of perinatal anxiety is a struggle with uncertainty. The perinatal period is full of changes that no one can fully predict or control. Many parents find it very difficult to live with the fact that they cannot be 100% sure about everything.
People who find uncertainty stressful often try to avoid it at all costs. They might see any unknown situation as a threat that must be solved immediately. Googling and asking questions are just attempts to find a “perfect” answer that does not exist.
Because babies change every day, there will always be something new to wonder about. If your goal is to have total certainty, you will find yourself searching forever. Our perinatal clinic helps parents learn how to be okay with the “maybes” of life.
The Vicious Cycle of Worry
When you engage in these behaviours, you are actually feeding the anxiety. Think of it like an itch that you keep scratching. The scratching feels good for a second, but it makes the skin more irritated in the long run.
Every time you Google a symptom, you are telling your brain that the worry is a real danger. Your body stays in a “fight or flight” mode, which causes physical symptoms like a racing heart.
This creates a cycle where the worry leads to searching, the searching leads to more fear, and the fear leads to more searching. Breaking this cycle requires learning new ways to react to your thoughts. Our therapy for mums and dads focuses on practical steps to stop these habits before they grow.
How to Start Breaking the Habit
The first step is to notice when you are about to reach for your phone or ask a question. Try to pause and acknowledge that you are feeling anxious right now. Recognize that the urge to search is a symptom of the anxiety, not a solution to the problem.
Try to set limits on how much you use the internet for health questions. You might decide to only look at one trusted source for five minutes a day. This helps you stay informed without falling into the trap of excessive searching.
When you feel the urge to ask for reassurance, try to sit with the feeling for a few minutes first. Notice the discomfort in your body without trying to make it go away instantly. Learning that you can survive a few minutes of uncertainty is a very powerful step toward healing.
Finding Support in East Brisbane
It is important to remember that feeling this way does not mean you are a bad parent. Perinatal anxiety is a medical hurdle, much like a physical injury that needs care. Many parents find that talking to a professional helps them find their feet again.
At our perinatal clinic, we offer a safe space to explore these worries without judgment. We focus on helping you build the tools you need to enjoy your time with your baby. Support is available for both parents, as we know that dads can experience these struggles too.
You don’t have to spend every day and night in a loop of worry and searching. With the right strategies, you can learn to trust yourself and your ability to care for your child. Taking the first step toward help is often the hardest, but it is the most rewarding.
A GP can provide a Mental Health Care Plan. A 15-minute discovery call can help determine next steps.
References:
Bryson, H., Perlen, S., Price, A., Mensah, F., Gold, L., Dakin, P., & Goldfeld, S. (2021). Patterns of maternal depression, anxiety, and stress symptoms from pregnancy to 5 years postpartum in an Australian cohort experiencing adversity. Archives of Women’s Mental Health, 24(6), 987–997. https://doi.org/10.1007/s00737-021-01145-0
Sönmez, T., Türk Delibalta, R., & Yurt, E. (2025). Cyberchondria in High-risk Pregnant Women: Its Relationship with Depression and Anxiety. Salud mental (México), 48(4), 223–230. https://doi.org/10.17711/SM.0185-3325.2025.025
